How do you get women to respond positively on dating apps?
Great question!
How many times have you messaged an attractive woman on Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble and received nothing but crickets?
Or, maybe a few women did respond at first, but before too long the conversations dried up and went stale.
Getting responses in online dating is a common challenge, including for introverted men.
Thankfully, we’ll be solving it today!
In this post, we’re going to figure out how you can…
- generate positive emotional responses from your conversational partners,
- show your best qualities in a balanced and attractive way, and
- sprinkle in the right amount of compliments to maintain the “feel good” vibes in a conversation that needs a fresh infusion of interest.
By the end of this article, you will see how getting responses in online dating is a smooth blend of art and science that you can learn with practice!
Why should you care about getting responses in online dating in the first place?
You might feel tempted to skip dating apps altogether if you’ve had bad experiences with them in the past. While it’s great to work on your dating skills with in-person interactions, the truth is that you’d be leaving plenty of untapped opportunities on the table if you forego online dating entirely.
Online dating allows you to talk to a much wider pool of potential matches than you would typically encounter in everyday life; it also provides the perfect laid-back atmosphere to practice conversational skills that do translate to real-life interactions.
After all, when you can feel confident in your ability to start up a conversation from nothing and then sustain mutual interest over time, you will know there’s nothing holding you back from approaching women whenever and wherever you have the opportunity!
So, what’s the secret to getting responses in online dating?
Cultivate an intentional emotional reaction.
Wait… how are you supposed to influence how someone else feels when she’s just talking to you over text messages?
Let’s break it down to the basics.
Think of a previous conversation you’ve had in online dating that didn’t end up in a real-life date. What happened?
Chances are, one of two things was the culprit:
- The conversation started to feel like a dry exchange of facts.
“Work was good today.”
“I work as a contractor for an architectural firm.”
“I enjoy my job.”
- The questions felt either irrelevant, awkward, or too hard to answer for the level of intimacy.
“Where did you go to school?”
“Any plans this weekend?”
“Why did you choose that career?”
The emotion those conversation styles elicit is, unfortunately, boredom.
Eventually, one or both of you will fade off, never to be heard from again.
The mistake many people make with online dating is assuming that their conversational partner will inherently know and accept their positive characteristics by default.
Just because you know that you’re the kind of person to donate the shirt off of your back to someone who needs it doesn’t mean that the woman you’re talking to will understand this when you say, “I enjoy volunteer work.”
That’s admirable, but just saying that outright without any descriptive details can sound bland.
Likewise, asking question after question about her life leaves no room for either of you to show much passion or enthusiasm for what the other is saying.
So, instead of “boredom,” what are some positive, attractive emotions you can convey through conversations?
Warmth. Friendliness. Playfulness.
Get passionate when you explain how much you enjoy collecting 90s-era music albums.
Express your joy at the unexpected praise your boss gave you at work today.
Show genuine concern and emotional support if she mentions she had a rough day.
Tap into the relatable, positive emotions that the two of you naturally have as human beings (!), and she will start to associate that positive emotion with you.
The ultimate key to getting responses in online dating is connecting with another human being and making the effort to ensure that emotional connection feels positive, warm, and happy.
Once you get the hang of giving off positive vibes, you’re ready for Step 2!
Show a healthy range of your personality.
In the previous step, you probably settled on a tone that you wanted to convey, even if that decision was subconscious.
Some guys tend toward being more serious, responsible, and caring, for example, while others express positivity by being playful and flirtatious.
These approaches are great! And if the conversation is going well, that means she already has a positive image of you in her mind.
But, think for a moment about who you would rather date:
- Someone caring, deep, and responsible? Or,
- Someone laid-back and playful with a great sense of humor?
Here’s a hint:
The answer is both.
You want both of these sides in a dynamic partner, and so does she!
Step 2 is all about expressing the full range of your great characteristics so you avoid becoming one-dimensional.
To accomplish this, keep focusing on conveying a specific tone with your conversation, one that feels emotionally positive. By having fun with different topics and passions, you’re broadening the scope to invite her into a range of positive emotions.
This builds a strong character profile of you in her head where you have many awesome qualities.
Intentionally tapping into strong, positive feelings is an invaluable skill to have over the long term, on dates, in romantic relationships, and beyond!
A note on compliments: too much, or not enough?
For many men, compliments can feel like tricky territory to navigate in online dating.
For every woman on a dating site who complains about men leering over her profile pictures, there seems to be another who responds favorably to flattery.
Until you have met in-person, stay away from compliments or comments directly about her body.
Even if you are almost positive your comment could not be taken as too forward, it’s still wise to save it for when you see her face-to-face.
Now, let’s talk frequency.
In your very first message, one compliment is great. It shows her you liked something about her profile or her pictures, and it gives her an opening to respond in kind.
Her profile, even if sparse, can give you a plethora of inspiration to draw from!
- “I love the silly hat you’re wearing in your second profile picture! Were you at a festival that day?”
- “Wow, you have two advanced degrees? You must be really smart!”
Let that first message stand on its own until she responds. Adding more compliments is not better. It can feel a little overwhelming when a guy she has never met runs down a list of things he already loves about her!
Once the conversational ball is rolling, keep compliments reserved as a tool you can use occasionally to sprinkle in some more positive emotions to a conversation that shows signs of going stale.
If you find you’ve veered into the “fact exchange” pitfall, offer a tactful compliment to infuse a dose of feel-good vibes back into your interaction.
Conclusion on getting responses in online dating
Now you understand why getting responses from dating apps is a blend of both art and science.
While you can take the scientific approach by following the steps as they are laid out, you must also apply your own intuition to each situation to understand…
- cultivating a positive emotional reaction,
- showing a wide range of qualities about yourself, and
- sprinkling in compliments that boost the happy feelings between you.
If you’d like to become a more confident conversationalist by developing your unique vibe, download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead.”
And when you’re ready to elevate all of your dating skills, check out our custom, personalized Launch Your Dating Life program. Join us in a 1:1 phone call (apply here), and we can determine if the program is a good fit for your situation!
