Common denominators for happy couples
Long term relationships that feel good for both partners naturally have a few key factors in common. So what makes a long lasting relationship?
Is it good communication? Common interests? Emotional maturity? Someone who won’t worry that every text you get is from another woman?
When you know the hallmark traits of a long lasting relationship, you’ll be able to identify more easily whose character and choices will or won’t help make the relationship successful.
That knowledge is extremely important. It’s the fork in the road that allows you to move the relationship forward or to say, “Although I’ve appreciated getting to know you, I don’t think this is a good long-term fit.”
Today, we’re covering 3 tips to answer your question, “What makes a long lasting relationship?”:
- Develop steadfast trust,
- Enjoy deep friendship, and
- Embrace healthy conflict.
If you yearn for a long happy relationship, keep reading!
A long lasting relationship starts with the very first conversation
Think about it this way: the initial connection you build with a woman could be the first moment of thousands that create the foundation for a long, successful relationship!
So how do you navigate that first moment – the first message exchanged on a dating app, or the moment you lock eyes across the dance floor at your friend’s wedding? Without your first interaction, a long term relationship isn’t possible. And so much of establishing that initial connection hinges on your confidence. So how do you build the kind of confidence that can sustain both a wonderful first conversation and connection that stands the test of time? That’s exactly what this free 22-page ebook helps you with! It’s called “Why PUA Doesn’t Work For Introverts & What Works Instead” – don’t forget to download it now so you can circle back after you read this post!
Now, let’s dive in!
Develop steadfast trust
Trust can be built up in a million ways, in both the mundane moments and the big ones.
Here are three important ways you can develop trust within your relationship:
1. Communication
Open, honest communication goes a long way when you think about what makes a long lasting relationship.
You and your partner should both talk about what…
- you want and need,
- bothers you,
- you appreciate about each other,
- struggles or triumphs you’re encountering, and
- you’re feeling…
And not only should you both talk about these topics (and many others not listed!), you should also invite the other person to talk about them too! You can initiate a beautiful conversation of depth simply by asking.
You may be surprised to find how deeply trust can be built when you create that space to be vulnerable with each other and uphold a standard of authentic communication.
2. Compromise
It’s normal to not always be on the same page.
Maybe you forgot to communicate about a weekend work commitment, or you two just have a different vision for how you’d like to spend the evening.
Periodically, both partners should adjust to accommodate the other.
If you’re the one making a sacrifice for the other person, though, don’t hold it over them. Do so with a sense of joy that you get to make their life a little bit easier.
And if you’re on the receiving end of your girlfriend’s decision to yield to your needs or plans, accept her efforts with gratitude and excitement instead of shame or guilt.
A relationship with a healthy flow of give and take makes both partners feel safe to collaborate when plans need to adapt. That happy willingness to serve the other and grateful acceptance to be served helps trust flow back and forth.
3. Connection
“Connecting” can sometimes feel like an abstract concept, yet it’s essential to what makes a long lasting relationship.
You know what it’s like to feel connected, and you know how miserable it is when there’s a “disconnect”… so what makes a long lasting relationship, and how does connection play into that?
Think about what your time has looked like when you felt connected. Perhaps you…
- Prioritized emotional and/or sexual intimacy,
- Explored common interests,
- Picked up a coffee or small gift to surprise each other,
- Enjoyed time together with your friends,
- Shared the same goals, or
- Ventured into new experiences together.
All of these connecting points give energy to your relationship.
So when your relationship feels off, consider how you can manage your time and energy to create a more meaningful connection.
And remember, in a long term relationship, there will naturally be periods of time where you feel more connected and other times when you feel more distant. Don’t panic when those times come.
Simply start doing the things you did when you felt more connected, and you may be surprised to find how quickly you make your way back to that! Navigating those seasons builds trust and confidence in the relationship, which helps it last.
Enjoy deep friendship
This one is key to understanding what makes a long lasting relationship. At the core of any long term, healthy, romantic relationship, you’ll find the same ingredients that create a long lasting friendship.
One common misconception is that couples have to share all (or many) of the same interests. The truth, though, is that similarity is insignificant. Liking the same music isn’t a good predictor of healthy marriages!
In your platonic friendships, you naturally expect to have a lot of unique, separate interests and then maybe a couple of things in common.
According to success expert Angela Duckworth, the #1 predictor of success in any endeavor is GRIT.
Grit is defined as perseverance and passion for long-term goals.
Grit determines how well we persist in difficult situations, and that includes how determined we are to make a relationship or friendship last.
Did you know that Duckworth’s research revealed that gritty men are 17% more likely to stay married?
Devotion, loyalty, and grit aren’t necessarily the “shiny” traits that make a friendship fun.
However, they are exactly the traits that make both friendships and long term relationships last.
Embrace healthy conflict
Healthy, long lasting relationships only work if both partners share a “same team” mentality.
This perspective means approaching conflict with a “you and me vs. the problem” mindset instead of thinking “you vs. me.”
For example, let’s say your girlfriend shows up 30 minutes late for your dinner reservation.
You vs. Me Approach: You voice feeling angry with your girlfriend for her lateness, your frustration that it’s become a pattern, and accuse her of not caring about how that makes you feel.- You and Me vs. The Problem Approach: You start with empathizing with the reason she was so late, voicing your understanding and concern. If she’s been running late a lot lately, ask what you can both do to help avoid that in the future.
Share creative suggestions and ask for her ideas. Maybe it’s hard for her to make it to dinner before 6:30 if she gets off of work at 6, so you could reserve a table for a later time. Maybe she needs to set alarms leading up to the event to help her stay on track.
Healthy conflict is most effective when both partners acknowledge an issue outside of who they are as people. After identifying the problem, both partners can take ownership in improving the situation.
Collaborative, creative resolutions can make both partners feel heard, understood, valued, and excited to make the necessary adjustments moving forward.
This process frames your conflict in the lens of a story you can be proud of! Overcoming a struggle together is a huge way to build trust and invest in a long lasting relationship.
Conclusion on what makes a long lasting relationship
Now that you know how to invest in a healthy relationship using the 3 tips we shared here today, find a partner who is excited about continuing to grow personally alongside you as you develop steadfast trust, enjoy deep friendship, and embrace healthy conflict!
Your Next Steps
Don’t just know what makes a long lasting relationship… develop yourself into a person who can sustain one!
Here’s what to do next to make sure your dating and leadership skills keep improving:
- To see how IA has impacted introverted men like you in pursuit of long term relationships, take a look at our testimonials.
- Don’t forget to download our free ebook, “Why PUA Doesn’t Work for Introverts & What Works Instead” to build your dating skills on a foundation of confidence!
- For more personalized support, consider our Become A Benevolent Badass program.
Becoming more empathetic, authentic, humble, and confident doesn’t mean changing who you are or enduring an unhealthy relationship. Developing your own unique vibe simply means becoming the best and truest version of yourself and expecting the same to be true of your partner.
To become your best and most confident self, consider Becoming A Benevolent Badass. Through our in-depth, personalized 1:1 coaching program, you will…
- Find your inner true north and deepest sense of self,
- Become your relaxed and playful best around others, and
- Rise up as an intentional social leader.
