Wondering how to regain your lost confidence?
It happens to most of us from time to time.
You’re on top of the world, and then… something shifts.
Maybe something happened, or maybe your mindset just changed.
Either way, fear not.
If you’re suddenly feeling defeated and you want to hop back on the saddle, this post is for you!
Today’s key takeaways will be…
- remembering your strengths when you feel down,
- recognizing what caused the downward shift and creating a plan to work around that, and
- accepting that it’s completely okay to take time to develop yourself.
If you put all these tips into practice, you’ll be well on your way to regaining your lost confidence and feeling like a benevolent badass again.
But first…
Here are some additional things that may help you regain your lost confidence.
There are many tools to help you on your journey of getting your confidence back on track. Try these suggestions:
- Challenge yourself. Your chosen pursuit should be outside of your comfort zone, but not too hard. There’s a theory that the ideal level of challenge should just be just a tiny bit harder than what you’re used to. This helps you grow and learn without being frustrating, so your confidence level can increase as you go.
- Exercise. Physical activity is the healthiest antidepressant on Earth. Use endorphins and feel-good hormones from a good, hard workout to get your mindset back into a positive place. Try it; it really does work. (!)
- Talk to positive people. Whether you chat with your friends, a therapist, or a family member, absorb the positivity they give you. People who exude happiness and optimism make you feel as if you too could accomplish anything. Happiness, optimism, and confidence (which are all linked!) can be a healing salve as you let them seep into your mindset.
Now, let’s get started!
Remember your strengths, and practice them.
What sort of things are you really, really good at that ALSO bring you joy?
Which activities make you lose time once you sink into the creative flow?
What do you absolutely know you can knock out of the park?
Your “strength” could be anything:
- Running a 5k,
- Being an amazing and supportive friend,
- Volunteering at your local Big Brothers Big Sisters chapter,
- Writing the next horror fiction novella installment on your blog, or even
- Knitting little dog sweaters for your neighbor’s chihuahua farm.
It doesn’t matter whether your talent is practical or related to your ultimate goals in life. It only matters that you enjoy doing it.
That kind of confidence can seem silly to pursue before you actually take the action. You’re probably sitting in your living room reading this post and thinking…
“… How is that supposed to make me feel better about the fact that I’ve totally messed up at work this week?”
Once you actually get up and do the thing you’re good at, however, it reminds you that you can still handle yourself well. It’s okay to start with the small stuff.
When you do something successfully, you remind yourself that you still have confidence in your abilities.
Even if it’s the knitting option, you know you can make the very best chihuahua sweaters those tiny dogs could ever hope for. You rock at this.
And hopefully, doing so will put a smile on your face. When you’re in a better mood, it can be much easier to think positively about yourself and your life in general.
Think of it like confidence momentum.
Start your day off right by tapping into an area where you have a lot of confidence. You can carry that forward into the next task, and the rest of your day.
If you ever find yourself needing another boost, take fifteen minutes to practice your “strength” again.
Once you’re in a more resilient mindset, you can tackle the next step.
Recognize what is making you feel less-than-stellar, and make a plan to work around that.
Okay, here’s where we dig deep and examine what made you lose your confidence in the first place. It might have been a specific event, or it could have simply been a shift in the way you think about yourself.
You can’t change any of these things that have happened. But you can come up with ways to be better prepared for next time.
Ask yourself: what did you learn from the negative experience you just had?
Maybe you received a bad review at work, and ever since then you’ve been feeling like you lost your mojo. How can you solve this?
You could take the bad review to heart, study where your performance could use some improvement, and plan to totally wow your boss at the next review.
Or, perhaps your girlfriend broke up with you and made it clear she felt it wasn’t her but was you. (First of all, ouch!) Now, how do you fix it for next time?
Ideally, you learn from your experience. Think of “mental markers” you can use to remind yourself not to fall into the same old habits that didn’t serve you the first time around.
For example, if your ex mentioned that you tended to hole up instead of listening openly and facing challenges with her constructively, take note of that and scan for other areas in your life where you may be exhibiting the same behavior.
Make a huge point of asking your friends, family, or even your coworkers how they’re doing on a fairly frequent basis. And then internalize their answers.
You’ll be replacing an unhelpful habit with a helpful one, which will leave you more prepared for next time.
Yay!
But what if nothing actually happened to lessen your confidence; you just woke up one day not feeling it for some reason? How do you climb back on a horse you never truly fell off of?
It might take some introspection, but we bet if you’re honest with yourself, you can pinpoint the negative thoughts you’re having about yourself in your current mindset.
What potential do you feel like you’re unable to live up to?
That’s exactly the direction you might need to point yourself with an open mind and a curious heart.
Come up with a plan to blast through that obstacle, and recognize the sense of (confidence!) satisfaction you get from overcoming the problem.
Accept that you don’t have to be perfect.
Are you feeling tense reading about all the work you have to put in?
Relax your shoulders and take a breath.
There’s no deadline or end goal here, except for the ones you’re placing on yourself.
So why do you feel like you’re living under an enormous weight of pressure?
Where did your feelings of inadequacy and lost confidence come from in the first place?
Here’s a hunch:
You’re trying to live up to someone else’s expectations rather than your own.
Think about all the places that send you messages of who you should be as a man:
- Hollywood tells you that you need to be ripped, jacked, shredded, rugged, and handsome.
- Advertisements tell you that you need to be rich, successful, and powerful.
- Your mother tells you that you should be sensitive, caring, thoughtful, insightful, and sweet.
- Your peers tell you that you should fit into the mold, not stand out, just be normal.
Oh my goodness. Too much!
But here’s the thing…
Nobody is all of the above things all at once.
It takes time and effort to build out your identity until you feel “successful” or “insightful” or “ripped,” depending on which goal you pursue first. If you want to work toward all of them, that will take even more time and effort.
That is so completely normal and okay!
You don’t have to be perfect. (Nobody is!)
Allow yourself to be human and have room to grow. And then actually do the growing. Gradually!
As you build a robust, healthy perception of yourself, it doesn’t matter whether you’re at the beginning of your journey or approaching the finish line on your fourth PhD.
You’re a whole person, either way.
Conclusion on how to regain your lost confidence and bounce back:
Now, let’s recap today’s post!
We covered…
- using your favorite talents to shift you into a positive mindset,
- making a plan to solve the issue that led to your lost confidence, and
- recognizing that it will take some time to reach your goals, and that’s okay!
The wonderful part of your unique journey as an introverted man is you don’t have to find your way alone. You can swiftly and surely boost your confidence and sense of self, in a way that brings out more of yourself and not less!
That’s exactly why we created the self-study Magnetic Confidence program. It’s an awesome self-paced self-study course on making your own path in 7 domains of life and finding your inner confidence that shines out so everyone can see.
