Physical Intimacy for Introverts: How to Turn Her On and Keep Her Safe

Want to know how to build physical intimacy swiftly and without pressure?

Good, because that’s what we’re going to cover today. There is only one way a woman can have an experience of pressure-free, safe, exciting, and connected physical intimacy with you: for you to be having that experience as well.

In order to bring any given experience to the table, you must be having that experience. You can’t give something you don’t have.

If you’re giving off a vibe of pressure and constriction, it’s going to be nearly impossible for her to feel good. On the other hand, if you’re feeling chill and open, you invite her to feel chill and open.

In order to feel good connecting with a woman, you must be vulnerable. 

As Mark Manson says

“Vulnerability is consciously choosing to NOT hide your emotions or desires.” 

One of our dearest Introverted Alphas, Gera (who you’ve met before here), is masterful at this, and it struck me in a recent email he sent me.

Reading that email, I saw all kinds of gold nuggets about how to increase physical intimacy that I know you guys can glean from, so I asked him if I could share his email with y’all.

He said yes! I’ve worked his email word-for-word straight from him into the body of this post in an easy-to-read format for you.

Here’s what you’ll learn from Gera today: 

  • The pattern he noticed in the last 3 women he was physically intimate with.
  • Why and how each woman was hesitant at first, and how he “melted” them: the words he said and the spirit behind those words.
  • How to initiate physical intimacy and how to move it along with new women.

Alright, now let’s hear from Gera directly. Take it away, Gera!

– – –

Physical intimacy happens in stages.

I find it really interesting how similar of an experience I’ve had with the last 3 women I’ve been with, regarding physical intimacy.

First there’s a spark. Attraction on both sides.

Curiosity and interest peak.

Eye contact is prolonged and starts to deepen.

All of a sudden you’re flirting – It’s like a dance, like a courtship ritual.

Then you touch for the first time, and that’s when the magic begins. 

If you are trained in Introverted Alpha’s escalation sequence, then eventually the first kiss becomes inevitable.

The curious thing I’ve experienced is that all of these 3 women were interested but also hesitant. They were hesitant to different levels but they all expressed some sort of, “Hold on for just a second,” hesitant thought.

Why were they hesitant at first, and how to “melt” them?

I remember the first one said, “Wait, we’re not even boyfriend and girlfriend.”

The second said, “I don’t want to have sex if that’s the implication.”

The third simply said, “I should go,” and later texted to say that for her, becoming intimate takes longer, but that it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like me.

In all of these cases, I wasn’t really implying anything. I was just going with the flow. 

I completely respected all of these women’s feelings and choices, yet at the same time I followed my desire for intimacy and moved forward whenever I got the right signals.

In the first case, I simply responded, “That’s okay. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Would you like me to take you home now?”

In the second case I said, “There’s no implication here. All I know is that being here with you like this feels really good.”

In the third case, I was simply patient. There was no resentment or irritation. I kept going out with her because I really liked her and was under the impression she liked me.

Of course, I wouldn’t have kept pursuing her indefinitely. At some point I would have simply moved on, but I was very encouraged because every time we went out, afterward it seemed like a layer of ice melted away.

She started becoming more affectionate.

It was little things: squeezing my hand when I held hers, leaning a bit closer to me in conversation, kissing me when I dropped her back home at the end of the night.

These are subtle but very meaningful flirting signals.

Physical intimacy is vulnerable and beautiful.

All of these 3 cases eventually ended in sex, and it was great.

I don’t believe there is any shame or regrets on either end (even though I’m no longer seeing two of these women).

It was simply a beautiful experience of intimacy — expressed and fulfilled desire.

The main takeaway I had was that intimacy makes people feel vulnerable, so it is really important to be offering a safe environment and vibe. At the same time, you need to maintain your confident and attractive vibe.

In all 3 of these cases, I felt the women slowly but surely melting — to the point of full trust and letting go. 

Eventually they just wanted me to have my way with them (perhaps more of a dark vibe for these cases although very sexy), but I literally felt like I could do anything to them during sex.

It’s such a wonderful experience. Of course I never abused this, but to the contrary.

I used it for mutual gain and happily took on my role as an Introverted Alpha. Not just happily for me, but definitely also for the women I was with.

I feel I better understand what you mean when you say that Turn-On = Attraction + Feeling Safe. :~)

And I find it funny how similar these experiences were.

I used to think of love and attraction as very mysterious things that happened by chance.

Now I see there are certain human desires and responses that are more universal, so to speak.

It’s like we are hardwired a certain way, and when we accept that and let go of our inhibitions, we experience true joy just from being who we are — without offering any resistance to that.

– – –

Alright, it’s Sarah again. That was beautiful, yes?

I hope you learned a lot from the way Gera thinks.

He is pure-hearted, and he is bold. I love that combination. It feels really nice for you guys and for the women you date.

Here’s a summary of what Gera taught us about building physical intimacy:

  • How To Start Physical Intimacy: It’s the natural progressing flow of Chemistry Spark > Flirting > Touch > First Kiss Becomes Inevitable
  • Women can be and want to be “melted” by your strong and unwavering presence and the feeling of absolutely zero-pressure, while still feeling and enjoying the attraction flowing between you.
  • Intimacy makes people feel vulnerable, so it is really important to be offering a safe environment and vibe, while at the same time maintaining your confident and attractive vibe.

What is physical intimacy? It’s on a grey scale, and it depends on what you feel comfortable with and inspired to do. Naturally, you won’t want to have sex with every woman you meet. That’s okay! There’s no pressure.

It’s just two people feeling out a connection. 

So that’s it folks!

You don’t have to engage in mindless small talk in order to somehow pass enough time together to build emotional intimacy and safety. Anything inauthentic is not necessary.

Rather, that feeling of safety all comes through your vibe. When your inner world is at peace, then you have the mental and emotional space to build a rich emotional connection with the human being in front of you.

As you’re spending time together, whenever physical intimacy feels natural for both of you, you can go ahead with that, rather than either rushing forward due to fear of rejection or holding back due to fear of intimacy (rather than holding back due to respect for intimacy, which some men do in accordance with their values and beliefs).

Any personality type can be a great listener to verbal and non-verbal cues; you don’t have to have an extroverted nature in order to intuit and respond to your partner’s needs, whether it’s your first date or whether you’re much further into your intimate relationship.

Your Next Steps: To get more free training on how to build physical intimacy with women, download our free ebook, which will put you in line for amazing email trainings coming up. Then check out this video of Gera sharing even more about how he connects with women.

Sarah Jones
Sarah Jones
Sarah Jones is founder and CEO of Introverted Alpha; the premier dating coaching company for introverted men; featured by Forbes, Business Insider, Cosmo, and more. Pick up your free copy of Sarah's 22-page ebook inside the blue box just below.

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